this just has baby written all over it
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
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That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
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I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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