Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
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He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
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Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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