If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
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You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
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So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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