I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
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every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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