Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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