I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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