the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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