Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize