I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize