I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize