I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
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I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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