I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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