Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
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i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
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He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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