He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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