Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i think i have herpe
just one?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
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He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
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THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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