If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
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