Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
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