If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
God gave him joint rollers for hands
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize