No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
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5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
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Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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