Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
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We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
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Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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