He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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