How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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