I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
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after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
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I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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