I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
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apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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