the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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