I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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