i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
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Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
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If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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