Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize