Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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