1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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