it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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