My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
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He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
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You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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