i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize