Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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