it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize