We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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