Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
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So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
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He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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