matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
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before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
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I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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