Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
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every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
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you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
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