Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
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I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
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dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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