he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
At least life still wants to fuck me.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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