I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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