How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize