If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
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