apparently the secret to your success is patron
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize