you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize