Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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