You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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