and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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