Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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